seeing you, eyes wide open
by star.everlasting
Summary: There were the hard times, like her father dying the year she turned ten. Then there were the better times, like when her mother grabbed her hand, moved to Central City, and joined a single parent support group where Caitlin Snow met Barry Allen for the first time. After that were the best times, because she got to grow up with him. [SB Week 2019 Day 1 - High School/College AU]


Hi y'all!

This is my first time writing for the Flash fandom, and I'm so excited to be working with the incredible cast and characters, and to be so immersed in the DCTV world. There's so much room for creativity, and working on the fics for this week (writing 7 pieces within two weeks was no easy feat) was tiring, fun, and incredibly rewarding.

This is also my first time writing a high school/college AU! It was interesting to be in those shoes again, so I hope everyone has as much fun reading this as I did while writing :)

Also as a note, this is Day 1 for Snowbarry Week 2019, and it will tie in with the piece for Day 6.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own the Flash/DCTV

* * *

Caitlin Snow would never describe her life as perfect, but even after all she had experienced, she would never complain. Her experiences made her into a better, stronger person, and if there was one thing she believed as a doctor and a scientist, it was that a person had to keep growing, no matter what happened. She held onto this mantra as her heels clicked loudly on the tiled floor of S.T.A.R. Labs, her heart beating so quickly she felt as if it would burst from her chest. Instead, she stopped walking, one hand bracing herself against the wall as she focused on slowing her breathing.

Case in point: after the death of her father, Thomas Snow, when she was a mere ten years old, her mother, Carla Tannhauser, cried, grieved, then pursed her lips and took Caitlin to Central City to start a new life.

"You have to keep going, Caitlin," Carla had told her daughter, holding tightly to her hand as they stood in the living room of their new home. "You have to keep going."

There were the hard times- adjusting to a new life in a new city surrounded by strangers, where the only person she knew was her mother, was hard. Starting a new school, being the new kid, was hard. Caitlin had never had a great track record of being friends with people; she was too busy with her nose in her books, spending her time in the library more than anywhere else, and not being a social butterfly in general made it difficult to make friends.

Then there were the better times- raising a child as a single parent was difficult, and starting a new life was heavier on her mother's shoulders than Caitlin knew she could imagine. Between her work as a scientist and juggling day-to-day things all the while taking care of Caitlin meant that Carla needed help, no matter how strong, how headstrong the woman was, but Carla taking that step in admitting she did was the first good thing that happened to Caitlin in a long while.

So, Carla joined a single parent support group in their neighborhood.

* * *

Just after Caitlin's eleventh birthday, Carla Tannhauser met Henry Allen, and Caitlin Snow met Barry Allen at the first single parent support group they went to, and it wasn't long before they also met Joe and Iris West, who decidedly did not join the support group. The three parents became friends, and Caitlin gained two new friends who also, coincidentally, went to the same school she did. She had Barry and Iris to hold on to as they went into their strange middle school years, and she had Barry and Iris as they ran headfirst into their crazy high school years.

And all during that time, she watched Barry pine longingly after their best friend, week after week, month after month, year after year, and senior year of high school was no exception. Caitlin grabbed the books she needed for her next class from her locker before slamming it shut, all the while talking to Barry, whose locker was right next to hers.

"Starling City definitely has the better biology program, but with what I'm trying to pursue, maybe Keystone or even Central City U would be better? Ugh, I know we talked about just going to CCU since their programs are just great programs in general, but I can't help thinking about what other options we have, you know? And-" she finally turned to look over at him, who was…not paying attention to her. She didn't even need to follow his gaze to know what- or who- he was looking at across the hall.

There she was, Iris West, Caitlin Snow's other best friend, talking to the new kid in their class. What was his name again? Francis? Francisco? Something like that. Caitlin hadn't had the chance to talk to him yet. Peering at Barry's face, she noted the almost distant look in his green eyes, a look of longing and admiration.

She knew what Barry was like when he got caught up in his major crush on Iris, having known him since they were kids after all, but they really needed to get to class. Caitlin snapped her fingers in front of his face, effectively breaking his trance. "Barry!"

He blinked then, finally turning his attention to her. "Sorry, Cait, what were you saying?"

Part of her really wanted to smack him. Over the years, she had become Barry's sounding board and voice of reason for…really anything. Life in general, but _especially _when it came to Iris, even if he never acted on her advice and never expressed his feelings to her. Another part of her felt so bad for him. Wonderful, sweet Barry's crush was evident to quite literally _everyone _around them except Iris herself. Beautiful, kind, take-no-crap Iris, completely oblivious to her best friend's dilemma happening right in front of her for _years_.

And, if Caitlin was really, really honest with herself, yet another part of her would admit to the slight pang of jealousy that stung her each time Barry stared at their friend, each time his eyes brightened and his smile widened as soon as she walked into the room. The young boy she met in the waiting room at the single parent support group meeting became her rock, her anchor in the hard times and the biggest reason for the better times. She would never be able to say when she started harboring feelings for him, but just getting to know Barry Allen, seeing him smile through his pain and wanting to give the best to everyone around him, warmed her young heart. Their countless movie nights under a giant blanket in either of their living rooms growing up and endless support for each other only grew those feelings until the burn of them scared her so much of changing, of losing their friendship caused her to tamp down on them.

So when Barry came to her for anything Iris-related, anytime they were all together and Caitlin could make an excuse to leave the two of them alone, she willingly obliged. If not acknowledging her feelings meant getting to be one of Barry's best friends forever, then Caitlin would be okay with it.

She hooked her arm around Barry's, a long-familiar gesture, and flashed him a smile. "We need to get to class."

* * *

Not a lot of people knew that a sick Barry Allen was a needy Barry Allen.

Caitlin almost rolled her eyes at Carla's fond wink when she packed a thermos of freshly made chicken noodle soup, preparing for the three-block walk to the Allen household. "Tell him to take his meds and get plenty of sleep!" She reminded her daughter as soon as Caitlin stepped foot out of the house.

Henry opened the door for her upon her arrival, giving the girl a hug and a smile before he stepped aside to allow her upstairs. Pushing open the door to Barry's bedroom, Caitlin took a good look at the warzone in front of her- the tissues that he had tried to throw into the trashcan littered all around its vicinity, books and notebooks laying around the room wherever Barry had taken a break from studying, and at least two pairs of sweatpants and three hoodies sprawled over the foot of his bed, the back of his chair, and his desk.

The sick teen himself lounged under the covers in bed, his back resting against the headboard, a tissue plugged up one of his nostrils and looking as pitiful and miserable as he could manage, his eyes only widening and brightening as soon as Caitlin walked in.

"Caitlin!" he managed to garble out, voice thick with phlegm and congestion. She was unable to stop the small smile that appeared on her lips, and bit down on her bottom lip to try to contain it.

"Hey, Bar," she replied, walking to his bedside where he automatically scooted over to make room for her. "How are you feeling?"

Caitlin put her hand on his forehead, feeling for his temperature. His text to her that morning had made it sound more like a life-or-death situation, but really, his fever wasn't actually running that high, and he was more awake than she had counted on him to be. Pulling her hand back, she shot him a grin. "Made you some soup."

His eyes closed in relief, opening them with a wide smile as he pulled the tissue from his nose, balling it up and throwing it toward the trashcan, missing his target. "You're the best, Cait."

"I know," she said simply, pulling out the thermos and grabbing the spoon she'd packed, brandishing both items in front of him. "Are you up for soup and maybe a movie until you fall asleep?"

Barry slumped forward and leaned his forehead on her shoulder. "I love you so much, you know that?"

Helplessly, Caitlin bit the inside of her cheeks, offering him a warm smile. "I know."

She came down with a cold two days after. Barry just ran home after school, brewed her a cup of tea, and snuggled up with her until her congested breathing evened out and had a smile on her face.

* * *

Iris pulled Caitlin aside during lunch one day on her way down to the courtyard where the girls knew Barry would be waiting for them. She almost let out a protest, but the look on Iris' face told her that she really needed some girl talk.

"Are you okay?" she immediately asked, her friend's expression a foreign one. Iris' eyes shifted a little before she took a deep breath.

"Are you going to prom?"

That was not the question Caitlin had expected her to ask. "I…guess so? It's our senior prom, might as well, right?"

Iris gripped her arm a little tighter. "Do you know who you're going with?"

Caitlin was not about to tell her that the first person who immediately came to mind was Barry- if she knew anything about Barry, and she did, Barry would be planning the best way to ask Iris. Instead, she just shrugged.

"Not sure. What's up?"

"Well…" Iris started uncertainly. This was completely out of character for her; Iris was usually very self-assertive and confident. "Just now, in the hallway, I overheard Tony Woodward talking about asking me. If he asks me in front of everyone, how am I supposed to let him down nicely?"

Her eyebrows shot up. "Tony Woodward? The bully? You mean the one who made Barry's life hell in middle school and whenever he gets the chance to now?" she asked, incredulous.

"I know!" Iris almost wailed. "But even he doesn't deserve to be humiliated in front of everyone, you know? Caitlin, how do I get out of this?"

"You could, you know," Caitlin responded after a moment, her throat suddenly dry. "Ask someone to go to prom with you first so you have a legitimate reason to turn him down. Why don't you ask Barry?"

As if she had never thought about that as an option, Iris cocked her head to the side. "Really? I thought…well, I thought you and Barry would go together."

Shock hit her system so hard, Caitlin had no idea how to respond. What did she mean she thought Caitlin and Barry would go together? That made _no _sense. Barry had been pining after Iris all this time, not that Iris noticed, and Caitlin had always been the other supportive best friend. Their time, however, was running out, and the students only had so long for lunch. Iris let go of her arm and grabbed her hand instead, jolting Caitlin out of her thoughts.

"Come on, let's think about it later. Barry's waiting for us!"

By the time they made it to the courtyard, they found Barry and the new guy from their class, whose name was apparently Cisco, in a deep discussion that devolved into laughter when she and Iris reached them.

* * *

The day Barry walked up to Caitlin, a month and a half before prom, with the most dejected look on his face, she took one look at him and immediately gathered him into her arms. She had heard Iris' excited acceptance to go to prom with their gorgeous, blond-haired, blue-eyed classmate, Eddie Thawne, after all.

* * *

Barry's mood didn't exactly improve the whole month and a half leading up to prom either. He seemed to be moping all the time, and even the prospect of their high school career ending and all the celebrations that went with it did not seem to cheer him up. Caitlin and Iris had gone prom dress shopping with Cisco, both girls picking out completely different dresses- Iris ending up with a strappy crimson gown and Caitlin with a one-shoulder cobalt gown- while Cisco himself picked up a nice dress shirt and a bow tie. Despite their excitement and Barry's attempt at being halfheartedly happy for them, Caitlin was still cautious about bringing up prom or Iris around him unless he brought them up first.

"Are you sure you don't want to come?" she asked him the night of while adjusting her hairpiece in the mirror. Barry's voice resonated in her bathroom from the phone she put on her sink counter, speakerphone on.

"No," he answered, sighing. "I've been enough of a downer lately, I know that, Cait. I'm sorry you had to go through that with me. You should go have fun; you deserve it! You've been working so hard all year."

Caitlin looked at her phone, a selfie she and Barry took some time ago set as her wallpaper. "You do too, you know. You could come with me and Cisco, and we can just hang out, you know, as friends."

He chuckled at that. "Caitlin, Caitlin, Caitlin. Always trying to make me feel better."

"That's what I'm here for," she told him while looking at her own reflection in the mirror, shrugging. "Call me if you need anything, okay?"

"Okay. Love you, Cait. Send me a picture, okay?"

She swallowed down the disappointment and the lump in her throat. "Yeah, of course. I love you too, dork."

* * *

Barry flopped down onto his back, arms coming up to rest behind his head after he threw his phone to the side of the bed. Turning his head to his closet, he looked at the tux he had hung there a long while back, the ticket he had bought ages ago tucked into the pocket of his jacket- all before Eddie had asked Iris to go to prom with him, Iris squealing in excitement to him and Caitlin as the three of them walked home from school. The knock on his door caused him to sit up just as his dad walked in.

"Hey, son," Henry said, pausing as he took in his t-shirt and sweats. "I thought you were heading out to prom."

Sighing, Barry grimaced. "I don't think that's such a good idea, dad."

There was a moment where Henry debated whether or not to sit down and really have the heart-to-heart he'd been meaning to have with his son for a while now, then decided that it was time. His son was growing up, grown up, will soon be heading off to college, and there were a few things he should hear from his old man before moving on to the next chapter of his life. Henry just gave him a smile and made him move over a little, making room for both Allen men at the foot of the bed.

"Bar," he started, his green eyes connecting with his son's. "I know that you've had a rough time lately. It isn't easy watching the person you have had feelings for all your life be with someone else."

Barry shot him an incredulous look. "You _knew_?!" he practically screeched.

His father chuckled. "Son, _everyone _except Iris knew."

"Oh man." Barry put a hand over his face to hide his embarrassment. "This is impossible."

Clapping him on the back, Henry smothered his laughter. "Fortunately," he told him, "you've had some good people in your corner. Caitlin. Your new friend, that Cisco. Carla, Joe, and myself. But tonight is special, Bar! Tonight is for celebrating your achievements all these years before you head off to college."

He gave him a tight hug then. "Time doesn't wait for anyone, Barry. Iris isn't the only person you've loved all these years, even if you hadn't noticed it before."

Unbidden, Caitlin's sweet, smiling face immediately came to mind. Barry nearly had a conniption then, almost afraid to unpack _that _load of baggage to figure out what it meant. He didn't have to at that moment, because his dad had more to say. "Go make more memories with your friends before you leave high school and everything changes. Don't have any regrets. Spend time with people you love."

The two Allen men sat in comfortable silence for a while before Barry finally looked up at his tux, then back at his dad.

"You know, dad," he said softly. "You might just be right."

* * *

Dinner with Iris and Eddie and Cisco was fun, the food was good, and the décor team went all-out for prom decorations, but Caitlin couldn't help but feel that something- or someone- was missing. She sat at one of the tables to the side of the dance floor, watching one of her best friends dance to the beat with her date. Cisco had gone off to grab more hors d'oeuvres, and she just…didn't feel like dancing.

It didn't feel right, being here with all her friends and without Barry, knowing how disappointed he must be feeling at home. She pulled her phone out of her purse, looking wistfully at her wallpaper, then someone completely scared her out of her wits when they tapped her on her shoulder.

Jumping up, Caitlin nearly had a heart attack before she turned and saw Cisco with a half-empty plate of food. "Sorry," he said quickly.

She shook her head, trying to get her breathing under control. "It's fine. Sorry. What's up?"

There was a look in Cisco's eyes she didn't quite understand, but the next words that came out of his mouth had her heart stopping completely. "Someone said they just saw Barry pulling into the parking lot."

Caitlin was running out the door before she could even wrap her head around what he had just said, her confusion at the situation and her excitement to see Barry overriding all her senses. Just as she reached the door to the hotel ballroom, it suddenly opened, and she slammed right into the person who was walking in.

"Cait?"

When Caitlin looked up to see who she had accidentally assaulted, the image would be seared into her memory for years to come. Barry Allen, dressed in a sharp tux and his hair carefully gelled to the side, looked down at her with a wide smile on his face.

"Barry?!" She took a step back in shock. "What are you- what are you doing here?"

He shrugged, a genuine smile on his face she hadn't seen in a long while. "Dad and I talked, and I realized that I didn't want to miss out on any time with my friends and people that I love. Besides," he said with a cheeky grin. "I had this prom ticket tucked in my pocket for a while, and thought I should make the most of it. It _is _our senior year, after all."

Caitlin just stared at him. "Aren't you…" she hesitated. "Upset seeing Iris and Eddie together here?"

No matter what happened, Barry and his feelings came first for her. To her surprise, he smiled again, wistfully, maybe a little defeated. "I figured we're all going to start a new chapter in our lives soon," he replied. "It's time for new things. College is happening in a few months! It's time for me to-" he stopped here, pausing for a second before he let out a deep breath, resolution in his stance. "It's time for me to move on."

She raised her eyebrows at him, and Barry just shrugged in response, grinning again. He looked at her carefully-curled hair, the warm brown eyes that he always found comfort in, even as a kid, his very best friend looking so very beautiful. "Find someone new to be crazy about."

The song changed and the lights dimmed further, and Barry swept into a low bow in front of Caitlin, offering his hand. "Miss Snow, would you care for a dance?"

Caitlin smiled so wide, she was sure her face would split. His words that night- she never forgot them.

* * *

The better times came and went, and then the best times rolled in.

Just liked they talked about, Iris, Barry, Caitlin, and, surprisingly, Cisco all got into CCU, boasting great programs in each of the fields they wanted to go into. To absolutely nobody's surprise, Caitlin and Barry _finally _stopped dancing around each other their second year, and officially became a couple. Iris shrieked, Cisco stood frozen for a full ten seconds before he yelled out a loud "FINALLY", and Henry, Carla, and Joe were ecstatic to see the two coming home with their hands intertwined.

College at CCU was an amazing time for all of them, each growing into the person they wanted to become: Iris pursued her passion for journalism, Barry became a chemist with a concentration in forensic sciences, Cisco was top of his class in engineering, and Caitlin was well on her way to achieve the doctorate, doctorates, that she had always wanted. The best times somehow became even better, what with Barry scoring a job at the CCPD as a CSI, and Cisco and Caitlin were both accepted into the S.T.A.R. Labs internship their senior year of college, set to become full-time jobs after graduation. Iris wanted to take some time off then, building up her name in the journalism field while working part-time at CC Jitters, the group's favorite haunt and best coffeeshop in town.

Two years at S.T.A.R. Labs introduced Cisco and Caitlin, and by extension, Barry and Iris, to Ronnie Raymond, a hopeful and completely hopeless contender for Caitlin's heart.

Unfortunately for him, Caitlin couldn't give away what she didn't have- Barry had had it since she was eleven years old. Fortunately, though, they became a group of work buddies, getting them all through the grueling projects that came their way each day.

Three years after being hired by Dr. Harrison Wells at S. . Labs saw Caitlin Snow finally, officially displaying a ring on her finger given by one CCPD's CSI Barry Allen.

Of course, the best times also heralded in the times where everything went to hell.

Almost exactly a year later, right as Caitlin and Barry were wrapping up wedding planning, she, Cisco, and Ronnie were also putting the finishing touches on the project that was the heart and soul of Dr. Wells and S.T.A.R. Labs- the Particle Accelerator. It was an exciting night, and Barry had called earlier that day to say that he and Iris would be there when the Accelerator turned on.

It felt amazing being on that stage with Dr. Wells as their work, as his life's work, was finally commissioned for use and turned on for the good of humanity. It was kind of funny how quickly everything fell apart after that.

Ronnie had been a hero, running down to the Pipeline as the Accelerator's chief engineer to contain the blast when the Accelerator became unstable, and had died in the wake of the blast. Cisco had returned to the Cortex completely shaken, acting on autopilot with whatever he could help out with. And as soon as things were more or less stabilized in the Lab, just as she had started thinking about the ramifications of this incident in regard to her career, Caitlin received a call from Carla that made her phone slip out of her fingers onto the floor.

* * *

The better times came, and with them, the best times. She didn't know it at a mere eleven years old, but Caitlin had met the boy who would grow into the man she would come to love with all her heart, the love of her life, the very first moment he approached her in the corner of the waiting room at the single parent support group meeting with an outstretched hand and an earnest, sincere smile. The same boy, the same man who had gotten down on one knee in front of her just last year and slipped the gorgeous ring on her finger as they were surrounded by fairy lights and their friends and family came rushing out to greet them with sparklers after she said yes and he had kissed her, the same man who had called her just three hours ago and ended their conversation with an easy, happy, "_I love you, Caitlin_," was the same man in front of her, unconscious and hooked up to machine after machine she could have named off the top of her head any other day in the hospital.

Struck by lightning, Joe had said when he called her. Right when the Particle Accelerator had exploded, and the freak storm had rolled into the city.

Dr. Wells had wasted no time in arranging for Barry to be transported to S.T.A.R. Labs, despite the media backlash and complete shredding of his career and reputation, and Caitlin and Henry had agreed, knowing that S.T.A.R. Labs at least had the newest and most up-to-date tech that would take care of Barry while he was in his coma. He would have Cisco manning the tech himself if anything were to go wrong, and Caitlin and her medical expertise only a step away.

* * *

That was where Caitlin found herself in the hallway of S.T.A.R. Labs, trying to ease her panic attack.

Barry had been in a coma for nine months now, nine agonizing months with Caitlin at his bedside, checking his vitals literally every hour, and the only thing she could think of was how they were planning on hyphenating her name- she would have been Dr. Caitlin Snow-Allen- and that since she was eleven years old, this was the longest she had gone without Barry Allen by her side.

By the time she made her way into the Cortex, Cisco was blasting some Lady Gaga song, something she remembered Barry jamming out to a week before the Particle Accelerator explosion. Seeing her fond smile, Cisco walked over and gave her a hug. "I thought it might help, since he liked the song so much," he explained sheepishly.

Caitlin was about to respond, but before she could, the monitors Barry was hooked up to started blaring, and without missing a beat, both of them rushed to his bedside in time to see Barry Allen slowly open his bright green eyes.


End file.
